Below is an excerpt from journal today, getting back from Georgia trip, in which I have neither journaled nor blogged during my time there. Sometimes on an extended trip(like a week or longer), immersing oneself in the experience is enough to "process" the days, choosing to reflect later at home. By that time, most of the thoughts have come and gone. No sense in rehashing all of that.

Before I get to the excerpt, however, I want to tell you what I think this blog is about. At least for now. "Musings" indicates thoughts about somethings that I feel like writing about in that moment. Considering, though, that this is mostly an art and art-based blog, I am inclined to write about my process. However, another thought is that life relates directly to art..how I process things that seemingly have nothing to do with art directly often, and many times subconsciously, make their way into my paintings.

This excerpt is not one of those times, and does directly speak to art. Mostly.

5/31
Contemplating my list to do , including some yard work--namely, the weed wacker to free up some space that is quickly closing up. Paths, smaller plants getting swallowed. Studio to work on the birds. Want to get them in the kiln by the time I leave (for the next trip). Maybe. Don't want to rush things, and can't glaze until I go to Stockbridge, maybe tomorrow. Who knows if they will get finished at this rate. At Decatur Arts Fest I got a couple of ideas--frame building, not really a new thought, but maybe interesting. Bought I piece with a white moth photo with encaustic over it by Mikel Robinson www.mikelrobinson.com mounted on an old piece of moulding, then a cut out of wood with some design on it over the top. They had some various other ones, larger, different additions and such. Some with metal. Maybe a tad rustic for my stuff, but I could tweak it a bit. The problem is that I don't have the tools for all of that. I could see building a frame and glazing clay pieces and gluing them on the frame? The vintage frame that I've been doing is still the most appealing at this point.

As I look out, there is a chipmunk sitting in the bird tree. I didn't think they climbed trees.

Willa's extra medications seem to be working! She was playing with Lola as we prepared to go out this morning..such a rare occurrence. I'm feeling much better already about our upcoming trips.

On another subject, I finished the first 7 small specialty-made works for my friend Weatherly Monroe's galleries, Wild Oats and Billy Goats in Decatur, Georgia. She recently opened a second gallery in Milton, GA. Our boys are friends and grew up together ever since we lived across the street from each other when our sons were in 2nd grade. Weatherly is an exceptional businessperson and amazing lady. Her galleries focus on local and folk-type art, as well as other crafts including jewelry, cards, assorted art objects, and her homemade soy candles. I'm excited to get my work back in Weatherly's realm and see how my little paintings do. http://www.wildoatsandbillygoats.com/

These small paintings vary in size from 3" x 5" to 8" x 10" and are each composed in vintage frames. Each mixed media work is a vignette, the essence of bird energy and spirit using vintage botanical print images, collaged paper, and acrylic paint. They are one of a kind, and range in price from $50-$150. Look for them at Wild Oats and Billy Goats galleries arriving soon!

Blue Jay
Mixed Media in vintage frame
5" x 7"

Sooty Owl
Mixed Media in vintage frame
8" x 10"

I think that animals are so much more evolved than humans, even though we want to believe the opposite is true. Here's my argument: animals don't fear death. I don't believe that they think about it the way that we do, and likely don't think about it at all. Because animals are so in tune with the rest of nature and death is just part of that, not "good" or "bad" as we humans like to make judgments and put ideas into little boxes. Too much reasoning (mistaken for higher intelligence), not enough instinctual and intuitive thought. Intuition and instinct is the basis of survival, not reasoning.

This process of putting a pet to sleep is really about me and when I'm ready. Not when Willa is ready. Willa can certainly feel pain and suffering but she doesn't think about the morals, fears, justifications of dying. It is part of life, not to be resisted when the time comes. But I am making that decision for her, because I am responsible for her care and well-being. We humans took that job on when we entered into a domestic agreement with some animals, dogs being one of them. I still feel guilty, still feel that I am justifying. The alternative is not anymore satisfying.

I guess that's what a "hard decision" is. Either way has parts that don't feel quite right. But knowing that Willa is ok, without fear, and knowing that I did all that I could for her as her guardian, it comes back to me grappling with those feelings and guilt about death. We take care of, love, feed our pets and it seems counterintuitive to put them to sleep, but really it's a part of that care and love. Dignity, yes. But her pain is ongoing and she is not quite like herself anymore. So I have decided to extend her time a little bit, selfishly, with the help of some stronger meds and see what happens for now. We can enjoy the sunshine together a little longer.

I'm not sleeping well these days. Too much running around inside my head, like kindergarten in PE class. Not keeping me completely awake, but not letting me rest either. Our dog, Willa, is old. Willa is a greyhound, almost completely black except for a white stripe down her chest and touches of white on her feet and tip of tail as if she was dipped in white only a few centimeters before she was born. I had whippets as pets for years, and when they too got old and passed on, I wanted to have another whippet personality, but I wanted to rescue.

When my son and I went to the Greyhound rescue http://greyhounds2.org/ in Atlanta, Carl Veiner, who has been in the rescuing-greyhounds-biz for 30+ years, introduced us to Willa. She was the "hall monitor", not confined to a cage, since she seemed to Carl very responsible and kept the others in line kindly. Willa ended her racing career when, as she rounded a curve, she snapped her Achille's tendon(this is not called this on a dog, but same area as on a person, just above the foot in the back). Apparently this was a common injury for racing greys. She has had problems with that foot over the years, developing early arthritis, thus relying heavily on her other foot and leg to feel comfortable when standing for prolonged periods. That foot is splayed from years of accommodating all of her weight, while the injured leg became somewhat atrophied. We didn't have to think about it, we knew Willa was the right one for us and we took her home.

Willa is 13 this month. She has had urinary issues for several months that our vet can't seem to figure out. One pain medicine compromises her already failing kidney and liver, so we are limited. She urinates in the house, only at night. I have spent nights on the couch when she can't get comfortable and cries, comforting her.

I can't sleep because I feel guilty. We have an appointment to put dear Willa to sleep on Thursday with the vet coming to our home. We leave for a trip next week and I don't want Willa to be without the extra care that she needs while we are gone. It's a problem that doesn't seem to have any great answers, and that's what keeps me semi-awake. How do you know it is the right time? I have had to put other pets to sleep and it seemed more obvious, then. Not easier. It's never easy. It's the hardest thing to do, though I know it comes from love.

May 17, 2016.

For a long time I have resisted writing a blog. I like to write, don't get me wrong, but I also thought of it as just another thing to keep up with. I'm a converted journaler, starting about 3 years ago when I was in a very transitional period in my life and The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron jumped off of my friend's bookshelf and into my waiting arms. For me, this blog has been a long-time coming. Really, I have been 'blogging' all along, but it has been in the safety and security of my paper and pen journal with the inspirational owl, quote, or other designer visual on the cover. Nothing public.

I'm more comfortable in the visual realm rather than the written one. Text forces you to explain in a way that pictures do not. I struggle with being concise with words. Ironically, my journal is full of words, not drawings, and the words laid there have been incredibly helpful for me to be able to clarify my thoughts, my reflections.

My paintings have always been about connections. I think that longing for connection is what drives me to begin blogging as well. One of my favorite quotes is from Belgian painter, Luc Tuymans. He supposedly said, "The job of the ambitious painter is to paint the unrepresentable." I love this because that is what I strive to do in my artwork...paint the unrepresentable. Meanwhile, my words on this page will try to explain anyway.