I think that animals are so much more evolved than humans, even though we want to believe the opposite is true. Here's my argument: animals don't fear death. I don't believe that they think about it the way that we do, and likely don't think about it at all. Because animals are so in tune with the rest of nature and death is just part of that, not "good" or "bad" as we humans like to make judgments and put ideas into little boxes. Too much reasoning (mistaken for higher intelligence), not enough instinctual and intuitive thought. Intuition and instinct is the basis of survival, not reasoning.

This process of putting a pet to sleep is really about me and when I'm ready. Not when Willa is ready. Willa can certainly feel pain and suffering but she doesn't think about the morals, fears, justifications of dying. It is part of life, not to be resisted when the time comes. But I am making that decision for her, because I am responsible for her care and well-being. We humans took that job on when we entered into a domestic agreement with some animals, dogs being one of them. I still feel guilty, still feel that I am justifying. The alternative is not anymore satisfying.

I guess that's what a "hard decision" is. Either way has parts that don't feel quite right. But knowing that Willa is ok, without fear, and knowing that I did all that I could for her as her guardian, it comes back to me grappling with those feelings and guilt about death. We take care of, love, feed our pets and it seems counterintuitive to put them to sleep, but really it's a part of that care and love. Dignity, yes. But her pain is ongoing and she is not quite like herself anymore. So I have decided to extend her time a little bit, selfishly, with the help of some stronger meds and see what happens for now. We can enjoy the sunshine together a little longer.